Category Archives: Daily Rant ‘n Whine

Letters to the Bride : part quatre

Standard

#day7

Allah always test you in times of need and in times of happiness. Nothing escape His Eyes. I should be thankful that He chose me to send this trial to. I should be thankful it is nothing I cannot handle. I agree, I am only human.

Not too long ago, I am filled with desires. To me, these desires are mere desires. Nothing that could not happen. However, those that could have happened, did not. I went to the recent Ladies’ Night at AlQudwah Academy and the topic was apt. Very apt, about our desires. One question that lingered “what is your desire to get married?” But that is not the point in this post.

I was thinking back… all the things I had wanted and planned for. Some I had to let go, some almost went wrong, some I am trying to salvage, some I know I should just give up hope for.

I had wanted a zero-$ dowry because i hate having one to myself, plus the fact that I could not even have that favourite number of mine. I feel sad that I cried every night the entire week. So I told myself, I should not think about it. Let that be the one thing I have to comply with, as much as I wanted to lighten the burden of my husband-to-be. I am thankful, regardless.

On plans and agreements… When planning for a wedding, I have learnt that in most cases, we have to be respectful of others and in my case, sometimes, I have to let certain things go just so we don’t hurt others. There are times however, I cannot let certain things go. I have apologized for those things, but really, some things do and can get on my nerves. I want to be happy too and I want everyone to be happy too.

On “It’s okay. Ain is very understanding.” Yes, thank you very much. As much as I hate surprises, wait, I hate failed surprises and it is very hard to surprise me, I still love good surprises. I sniffed it but my busy schedule and stress probably killed it. Sadly, though, I have come to terms that I can only plan surprises for others. So, I guess, it is okay to not have any party afterall. And future BTBs shouldn’t be too sad too if there isn’t any party for them. You just have to tell yourself, you are the planner kind. So, it’s okay right?

So dearest Ain, things often don’t quite go your way. You should not feel stressed because of that. Acknowledge that people tried their best too. It is a gentle reminder that His way is the best. And He has planned the best for you ahead. I know I am saying this to make myself feel better. Well, if not myself, who will? 

One day, you will look back and realise that when everything’s over (the wedding, that is), things will go back to normal. A wedding is a one-off thing yet its memories last a lifetime for the bride and groom. Maybe that is why you tried your best to make the best out of it. If comes the time and things don’t quite go your way, you have to keep reminding yourself to smile.  (Wait, that, I am not quite sure. My face will give it away that I don’t like what I see.) Ok, control, at least? 

You see, Ain… You are writing to yourself to make yourself feel better. Let’s just leave it to Him shall we? Pray hard that everything will go as planned. We can only plan, but He is the best of all planners. Remember that. So that when things don’t go your way, you will always be thankful because I am pretty sure there is hikmah. But that does not mean people can use this as their excuse when things go wrong. 

Truth be told, I am scared. And all I ask from Our Beloved is strength for me to go through this week with peace of mind. I have my wedding DIYs and paperwork, I have ES paperwork, I have yet to prep myself for the interview tomorrow. I have not prepared myself for next Sunday.

O Beloved, You said, “la tahzan, innallaha ma’ana..” Don’t be sad, Allah is with you. So I shouldn’t right?

At the end of the day, as I look back and ponder… Maybe these trials and tribulations are sent to remind me the kind of wedding I had always wanted –  to keep things in moderation, at times, we must leave certain things we had also wanted.

Letters to the Bride: part trois

Standard

#day20

How does it feel like knowing the days are numbered? 

I’ve never been married. However, I’ve been through so many other weddings of those very dear to me. The feelings, are different this time around. 

“Are you excited?”

I don’t know. Am I? Yes because I am starting a new chapter of my life. Yes, because it’s the time I’ve been waiting for since like forever. BUT, I am not quite jittery yet. I am more nervous than excited. Nervous if everything does not go well. $$ is not enough. Blah blah blah.

Excited? 50%

“Are you ready?”

No. Honest eh? Everyday and every night I wonder if I am ever ready. I wonder will I ever be a good wife who guards her husband’s and her honour? 

Ready? 50%

“How’s your preparation coming along?”

I am obliged to answer everything is good. Well, technically yes. Then I’ll follow with “just the nitty-gritty..” Kancheong spider trying to get things done. What is it that I’m left with? Hmmm…  What I didn’t  realised – the nitty-gritty is a lot! 

Preparation? At my wit’s end!

“Do you need any help? Anything for us to do?”

Yes, I do need help. But, I dare not burden my family and bridesmaid and the whole entourage with my this and that. I do not want them to think I am a bridezilla! 

Help? Much needed!

So, dearest Ain… I know you are scared and nervous. But remember, you have been waiting for this day to come since you learnt about the beauty of Islamic marriage. I also know it is always easier said than done, but really, have faith in Him. For all the things that  happened has its own blessings in disguise. You know not what He knows. 

You know you’ll never turn out to be a bridezilla. You’re one of those emotional brides I’ve ever met! You care too much about others. Everything that is meant to be will fall into place. Your friends who are dearest to you will come round to render a helping hand even if it’s a little emotional support or words of advise. (Guys, I appreciate it a lot – in case anyone’s reading.) Some may not attend, but that doesn’t mean friendship is loss. 

Lastly, you were told to not be worried. Look what happened! Your migraine attacked. Pray hard, Ain. Pray that He looks after your dearest imam-to-be while he find the rizq for both of you. Promise me, no matter what happens you will always remain husnudzon towards our Beloved. He knows best, what you know not. 

Keep us in your prayers as we countdown to #ourwalima6915. 

Letters to the Bride

Standard

The days are numbered. I have so many things yet too little time and $$$. I got a little too stressed up to the point that “stress” is an understatement.

Will I turn into a bridezilla? I hope not. Maybe, writing can keep me sane momentarily.

As the date draws nearer, I couldn’t help but feel scared. I got too worried about the future and our finances. Not that I didn’t know people mocked at me when I decided to settle down just as I was done with my BA. I forgot what exactly was my intention to settle down. 

I forgot that my ibadah is only meant for Our Beloved, our Rabb. Hence this marriage is for Him. He has chosen for me a servant of His, and in return, I should obey continue be a good wife, daughter etc.

I forgot my intention of the wedding. True, they say it is meant for your parents and family. But it is also for me to do charity. Even so, my lack of finances is probably His reminder for my forgotten intention. To keep my wedding simple. 

So nearing the date if I ever got too stressed out again, I should read this post. And remind myself what my intention to get married and hold a wedding reception.

Dear Lord, most Merciful and most Forgiving, You are our sustainer. As such, whatever rizq You give us, it is sustainable. Ameen.

Morning Rant of Stale Air

Standard

What is so hard about taking a shower in the morning? Don’t anyone feel guilty about it? Well, guilty about contributing to polluting the somewhat fresh air with your stale smell? If you’re out to achieve the out of bed look, you’re not nailing it right. Exactly what more than half of the population in SG is doing right now. And this is me, having to endure my 20-25 minute train ride from Tampines to Aljunied. (Phew)

Never mind about that. What appalled me other than bad breathe and literally just jumped-out-of-bed-and-put-on-your-work-clothes-on-and-off-you-go odour, it’s the stale, smelly behaviour of some people. While I try to breathe properly here in the train, my memories brought me back to last night’s teh (Malay for tea) session.

Our conversation evolved around wedding plans and how some people probably tend to be “mata merah” (literally translated: red eyed. But it means green-eyed/jealous). Guess some (read: one, or maybe there really are some.. Beats me.) people are not happy others are getting hitched? Maybe some people expected me to not be over them (read again: one)?

This smelly (busuk) behaviour, especially paired with that spiteful attempt to get others to not attend my wedding is beyond me. I cannot put a proper reasoning to why some people (ok just remember: one) must behave in such manner. Honestly, kenapa, eh?

A few people actually questioned me if I’m over certain things: fuck, yes. Don’t I look like I have moved on? Don’t I seem happy enough? Stop asking already. Yes, I’m fucking pretty sure am getting married. This bit has nothing to do with anyone else getting married. Consider it “jodoh” (fate).

If you, eh, I mean some people, want to go around “rallying” in their most influential ways to stop others from attending my wedding, please continue. Those attending my wedding will not be bothered by your opinion, eh I mean your jealousy. Kau… Gila eh?

With this, I’m not asking you in particular to be happy for me. I don’t need that from people like you. You don’t contribute to anything in anyway. Eh wait! You did. You made me realise what a twat you were. So thanks, eh.  Why don’t you just start minding your own? Just saying…

I have reached my stop. Kbye.

Shit is getting real

Standard

 

At the stroke of midnight, we will register at ROMM. Shit is getting real. The butterflies in my tummy have transformed into pterodactyls and T-Rexes shuffling to their stampede rhythm. Nothing makes sense but yes, THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS TO BE DONE! 

I can only pray and hope and leave it to Him so that this new journey be smooth. So, how do I calm this stampede and turn my pterodactyls back to butterflies? 

The Agony of Duit Hantaran and Mas Kahwin

Standard

This is my most hated topic ever. Yes, ever. Be it just talking it out with my friends or trying to coax my elders the non-importance of it. I’m going to talk about this anyways. Honestly,I am not in favour of having a price tag to myself. Then who is it for?

“Duit Hantaran” versus  “Mas Kahwin”

Dating back to pre-Islamic period when Hinduism and Animism was largely a part of the Malay society, duit hantaran was the dowry for giving away one’s daughter to the man she was going to marry. Why I mention animism? Our adat (customs) has got a lot to do with hinduism and animism beliefs. Anyhoos, when Malays in this archaepelago accepted Islam as their religion, they brought with them some adats. Though most adats have perished over time, duit hantaran has not. In fact, if there is a market price (I know there is. Makcik kepos love comparing.), in this millenia, we are looking at a 10K duit hantaran.

Myth 1: Duit hantaran is for the bride’s mother. She has given birth to her daughter and brought her up to be a respectable person with knowledge in religion, education and life-skills. Does this mean, if the bride is an orphan or was not brought up well, she is of no value, per se? Does this mean, the prospect husband of the bride has to work his ass off just to provide that amount of duit hantaran?

Myth 2: Duit hantaran is for the bride. I am supposed to say any argument is invalid, right? Who wouldn’t want a 10k duit hantaran, you tell me? But come on, labelling brides with price tags again.. Example a) the bride has only up till N level qualifications but with vast knowledge in cooking and household chores. (Our elders like to say “belajar tinggi-tinggi, masuk dapur jugak akhirnya..” yes?) Example b) the bride is a degree holder and rarely do her household chores. 10K duit hantaran.. is it worth it for both instances?

Myth 3: Duit hantaran for the groom to prove his ability to take care of his prospect wife and the amount raised is meant to be used for wedding preparations. This sounds legit. I can agree with this.

Mas Kahwin, or mahr (mahar), is the dowry that Islamic scholars refer to.  In Islam, there is no minimum or maximum amount of mahr. However, in different areas or countries, our religious insitituition has stated the proper amount, for instance in Singapore, is SGD100. (let me know if I am wrong) This mahr is obligatory (wajib) and a gift from the groom to the bride after they are solemnized. Meaning, it is only the bride who can make use of the gift. Mahr can also be other benefits such as silver or gold.

“Berilah kepada orang-orang perempuan itu mas kahwin mereka.” (Surah An-Nisaa’ ayat 4)

This reminds me also of a story during the times of Rasullullah (PBUH) when Baginda encountered a man who did not have anything on him to get married. Thus, Baginda asked of the man if he had memorised any ayat from the holy Quran? The man answered yes. Therefore, Baginda solemnised the man’s nikah with the surah the man has memorised as his mahr to his newly wedded wife. Beautiful, isn’t it? (And cheap, too.) Because Rasululllah (PBUH) said in a hadith by Bukhari,  “Find what you can as a mahr even if it is in form of a ring made from metal.”

My stance:

So what is with the grand amount of duit hantaran? I can safely say it really is up to individuals and the agreement between two families.  I made myself clear when asked how much do I want my duit hantaran to be; I answered zero. Null. I was questioned again, after some time, how much? Again, I made myself clear, null. My brother, who is my wali because my daddy passed on 5 years ago, tried to reason with me. Of course he understood where I was coming from and I was adamant. Heck, I even cried every night thinking about it to the point that the very thought of duit hantaran gave me headache.

Eventually, I told my partner, if there really should be duit hantaran, I really do not want to burden you with any amount. Since no one wants to accept my idea of zero dollar duit hantaran, I’ll even accept a 1 dinar amount. I told him my favourite number is 7. Honestly I gave up with this duit hantaran issue for myself. No, I did not get my eventual zero dollar duit hantaran, nor did I get my favourite number duit hantaran. THEN WHY DID ANYONE BOTHER ASKING ME HOW MUCH I WANT FOR DUIT HANTARAN?!

At this very moment, I still hope they will want to change their mind. I told them all before, what makes me the happiest bride is when my duit hantaran is zero dollar. In a hadith by Abu Daud in which Rasulullah (PBUH) mentioned, “The best mahr is one with the least amount.”

Ok, let’ be thankful, regardless.

A year on…

Standard

11045402_10153367186067018_8567021293520514333_n (1)

Time flew. Just last year I was sitting in cafe, all ready to complete my mission of “a cake a day till my birthday”. Not surprisingly, I accomplished my mission. And gained a whopping 10 kilos throughout the year. Felt like a teenager again, with such big appetite to feed the tummy.

A year on… and a lot of things happened.

A year on… and I grew up.

If I could summarise the past year in a word, it would be “BLESSED”. With what had happened to me in life and love, I began the search for my soul, seeking His Love. I began looking at life in a different perspective, sometimes to the extent of probably emotionless. There were times when others got emotional and I could only offer sympathetic smiles. Nothing too overboard. There were also times, when I question my inappropriate lack of emotions. Doesn’t mean I do not show my emotions, I am not feeling anything. Ok, maybe I really don’t? I just felt like sometimes, these adversities we are facing are just temporary. For some unknown reasons, worldly matters don’t matter to me so much. I began focusing on more important matters. Simply put, I learn to not hold grudges and let things go.

And what happened when I let things go? Allah SWT replaced them with better things.

… I cannot say how blessed I am today.

I have almost everything! Sacrifices here and there, but looking on the bright side, I am done with my BA. I found a life-partner I never thought I would. I have more time to spend at home. I am taking up new courses to fill my time. I am better mentally, emotionally, fiscally and spiritually. So now, I have to work my ass off to be better physically. :p

With that, I am prepping myself to embark on my new journey. Until then, I hope I will have enough time to pen my thoughts about that journey.