Hiatus!

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Well, I have been on a hiatus since my wedding! I have so many things to post! Our little-moon (that’s my mini honeymoon), my graduation, his award, our new home, our honeymoon… So many things! However, I am enjoying the littlest things. Making a big portion of my life private has been really great. Yet I also want to share the little good bits with my readers. The irony eh?

Seriously, ladies. Most times, keeping your life private is a lot better and more peaceful. There is no need to tell world your private little stories that are meant to be shared with your spouse. There is no need to broadcast every tiny details of your life. There is no need for frequent IG posts. But I don’t mind reading posts about interesting things that happen in my friends’ lives.

Until then!

xoxo

 

Letters to the Bride : part quatre

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#day7

Allah always test you in times of need and in times of happiness. Nothing escape His Eyes. I should be thankful that He chose me to send this trial to. I should be thankful it is nothing I cannot handle. I agree, I am only human.

Not too long ago, I am filled with desires. To me, these desires are mere desires. Nothing that could not happen. However, those that could have happened, did not. I went to the recent Ladies’ Night at AlQudwah Academy and the topic was apt. Very apt, about our desires. One question that lingered “what is your desire to get married?” But that is not the point in this post.

I was thinking back… all the things I had wanted and planned for. Some I had to let go, some almost went wrong, some I am trying to salvage, some I know I should just give up hope for.

I had wanted a zero-$ dowry because i hate having one to myself, plus the fact that I could not even have that favourite number of mine. I feel sad that I cried every night the entire week. So I told myself, I should not think about it. Let that be the one thing I have to comply with, as much as I wanted to lighten the burden of my husband-to-be. I am thankful, regardless.

On plans and agreements… When planning for a wedding, I have learnt that in most cases, we have to be respectful of others and in my case, sometimes, I have to let certain things go just so we don’t hurt others. There are times however, I cannot let certain things go. I have apologized for those things, but really, some things do and can get on my nerves. I want to be happy too and I want everyone to be happy too.

On “It’s okay. Ain is very understanding.” Yes, thank you very much. As much as I hate surprises, wait, I hate failed surprises and it is very hard to surprise me, I still love good surprises. I sniffed it but my busy schedule and stress probably killed it. Sadly, though, I have come to terms that I can only plan surprises for others. So, I guess, it is okay to not have any party afterall. And future BTBs shouldn’t be too sad too if there isn’t any party for them. You just have to tell yourself, you are the planner kind. So, it’s okay right?

So dearest Ain, things often don’t quite go your way. You should not feel stressed because of that. Acknowledge that people tried their best too. It is a gentle reminder that His way is the best. And He has planned the best for you ahead. I know I am saying this to make myself feel better. Well, if not myself, who will? 

One day, you will look back and realise that when everything’s over (the wedding, that is), things will go back to normal. A wedding is a one-off thing yet its memories last a lifetime for the bride and groom. Maybe that is why you tried your best to make the best out of it. If comes the time and things don’t quite go your way, you have to keep reminding yourself to smile.  (Wait, that, I am not quite sure. My face will give it away that I don’t like what I see.) Ok, control, at least? 

You see, Ain… You are writing to yourself to make yourself feel better. Let’s just leave it to Him shall we? Pray hard that everything will go as planned. We can only plan, but He is the best of all planners. Remember that. So that when things don’t go your way, you will always be thankful because I am pretty sure there is hikmah. But that does not mean people can use this as their excuse when things go wrong. 

Truth be told, I am scared. And all I ask from Our Beloved is strength for me to go through this week with peace of mind. I have my wedding DIYs and paperwork, I have ES paperwork, I have yet to prep myself for the interview tomorrow. I have not prepared myself for next Sunday.

O Beloved, You said, “la tahzan, innallaha ma’ana..” Don’t be sad, Allah is with you. So I shouldn’t right?

At the end of the day, as I look back and ponder… Maybe these trials and tribulations are sent to remind me the kind of wedding I had always wanted –  to keep things in moderation, at times, we must leave certain things we had also wanted.

Letters to the Bride: part trois

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#day20

How does it feel like knowing the days are numbered? 

I’ve never been married. However, I’ve been through so many other weddings of those very dear to me. The feelings, are different this time around. 

“Are you excited?”

I don’t know. Am I? Yes because I am starting a new chapter of my life. Yes, because it’s the time I’ve been waiting for since like forever. BUT, I am not quite jittery yet. I am more nervous than excited. Nervous if everything does not go well. $$ is not enough. Blah blah blah.

Excited? 50%

“Are you ready?”

No. Honest eh? Everyday and every night I wonder if I am ever ready. I wonder will I ever be a good wife who guards her husband’s and her honour? 

Ready? 50%

“How’s your preparation coming along?”

I am obliged to answer everything is good. Well, technically yes. Then I’ll follow with “just the nitty-gritty..” Kancheong spider trying to get things done. What is it that I’m left with? Hmmm…  What I didn’t  realised – the nitty-gritty is a lot! 

Preparation? At my wit’s end!

“Do you need any help? Anything for us to do?”

Yes, I do need help. But, I dare not burden my family and bridesmaid and the whole entourage with my this and that. I do not want them to think I am a bridezilla! 

Help? Much needed!

So, dearest Ain… I know you are scared and nervous. But remember, you have been waiting for this day to come since you learnt about the beauty of Islamic marriage. I also know it is always easier said than done, but really, have faith in Him. For all the things that  happened has its own blessings in disguise. You know not what He knows. 

You know you’ll never turn out to be a bridezilla. You’re one of those emotional brides I’ve ever met! You care too much about others. Everything that is meant to be will fall into place. Your friends who are dearest to you will come round to render a helping hand even if it’s a little emotional support or words of advise. (Guys, I appreciate it a lot – in case anyone’s reading.) Some may not attend, but that doesn’t mean friendship is loss. 

Lastly, you were told to not be worried. Look what happened! Your migraine attacked. Pray hard, Ain. Pray that He looks after your dearest imam-to-be while he find the rizq for both of you. Promise me, no matter what happens you will always remain husnudzon towards our Beloved. He knows best, what you know not. 

Keep us in your prayers as we countdown to #ourwalima6915. 

Letters to the Bride: part deux

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How have time fly? So much that you’ll never realised it.

August 1st, last year you attended his concert. It was impromptu. Yet, I guessed it sparked something between the two of you. Yes, you’re a fan. No, you did not see anything coming. Friends’ teasing were constant. 

The following day, after much nagging and pushing, and stop-all-this-nonsense-of-perigi-cari-timba-shit, you mustered the courage to pm with the excuse of giving more photos (right). That itself probably sparked something. Why would a stranger or an acquaintance tell you of his or her plans with the family, right? 

Fast forward.

August 1st, this year. You unlocked the next milestone. This feels like super fast forward, now that I think about it. Friends around spend so much time courting and dating and being engaged. You both spent 3 months of courting before getting serious, got engaged by the next 3 months, ready to be betrothed the following 6 months. LU GILA KAPPA?! No, you did not go somewhere along the lines of “BTO, shall we?”. Let’s hope you both nail this.

August 2nd, this year. As you reminisced about how August has changed your life, it’s 35 days to your #ourwalima6915. 

Time really flies, eh? As the day draws nearer, I keep praying for everything to be fine – may our Beloved sustain our rizq and keep our iman strong. Our journey is raw and long. But I pray that He ease our affairs, from the prep to the wedding day, our little moon to the honeymoon and our time to raise the extra $$ for our tiny new abode. 

Letters to the Bride

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The days are numbered. I have so many things yet too little time and $$$. I got a little too stressed up to the point that “stress” is an understatement.

Will I turn into a bridezilla? I hope not. Maybe, writing can keep me sane momentarily.

As the date draws nearer, I couldn’t help but feel scared. I got too worried about the future and our finances. Not that I didn’t know people mocked at me when I decided to settle down just as I was done with my BA. I forgot what exactly was my intention to settle down. 

I forgot that my ibadah is only meant for Our Beloved, our Rabb. Hence this marriage is for Him. He has chosen for me a servant of His, and in return, I should obey continue be a good wife, daughter etc.

I forgot my intention of the wedding. True, they say it is meant for your parents and family. But it is also for me to do charity. Even so, my lack of finances is probably His reminder for my forgotten intention. To keep my wedding simple. 

So nearing the date if I ever got too stressed out again, I should read this post. And remind myself what my intention to get married and hold a wedding reception.

Dear Lord, most Merciful and most Forgiving, You are our sustainer. As such, whatever rizq You give us, it is sustainable. Ameen.

How i memorised the Qur’an in 4 months.

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Fadhil Azman's

Alhamdulillah, I thank Allah for the blessings He constantly gives. I asked Allah to always ease my affairs in revising the Qur’an & give me the means to share with and inspire others(?)

I’d like to make it clear that I have memorised around 9 juzu’ in all the years in my primary school, secondary & pre-uni. So it was kind of memorising 20 plus new juzu’ and revising back the other 9 during these 4 months. I am also not having any commitments other than birrul walidain(doing good to parents) hehe. But by Allah, those who have the intention and desire to memorise the Qur’an for Allah, He will make it easy for you insyaAllah. This is, from my experience.

Below are my tips ;

1- Purify your intentions. 

This is the utmost important point that one should always be mindful of, do it sincerely for the sake of Allah. Hoping for His mercy, obtaining His pleasure &…

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Morning Rant of Stale Air

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What is so hard about taking a shower in the morning? Don’t anyone feel guilty about it? Well, guilty about contributing to polluting the somewhat fresh air with your stale smell? If you’re out to achieve the out of bed look, you’re not nailing it right. Exactly what more than half of the population in SG is doing right now. And this is me, having to endure my 20-25 minute train ride from Tampines to Aljunied. (Phew)

Never mind about that. What appalled me other than bad breathe and literally just jumped-out-of-bed-and-put-on-your-work-clothes-on-and-off-you-go odour, it’s the stale, smelly behaviour of some people. While I try to breathe properly here in the train, my memories brought me back to last night’s teh (Malay for tea) session.

Our conversation evolved around wedding plans and how some people probably tend to be “mata merah” (literally translated: red eyed. But it means green-eyed/jealous). Guess some (read: one, or maybe there really are some.. Beats me.) people are not happy others are getting hitched? Maybe some people expected me to not be over them (read again: one)?

This smelly (busuk) behaviour, especially paired with that spiteful attempt to get others to not attend my wedding is beyond me. I cannot put a proper reasoning to why some people (ok just remember: one) must behave in such manner. Honestly, kenapa, eh?

A few people actually questioned me if I’m over certain things: fuck, yes. Don’t I look like I have moved on? Don’t I seem happy enough? Stop asking already. Yes, I’m fucking pretty sure am getting married. This bit has nothing to do with anyone else getting married. Consider it “jodoh” (fate).

If you, eh, I mean some people, want to go around “rallying” in their most influential ways to stop others from attending my wedding, please continue. Those attending my wedding will not be bothered by your opinion, eh I mean your jealousy. Kau… Gila eh?

With this, I’m not asking you in particular to be happy for me. I don’t need that from people like you. You don’t contribute to anything in anyway. Eh wait! You did. You made me realise what a twat you were. So thanks, eh.  Why don’t you just start minding your own? Just saying…

I have reached my stop. Kbye.